H/C Bingo.

[thrillingdetectivetales]

Signed up for an hc_bingo card, because it's not like I have enough writing on my plate already. Anyway, apologies for the terrible things I'm going to do to Will Graham and probably also some other characters in the relatively immediate future.

old injuries acting up	prostitution	phobias	bodyguards	forced to face fear
kidnapping	presumed dead	undeserved reputation	sensory deprivation	corporal punishment
tentacles	CPR / rescue breathing	WILD CARD	abuse	restrained
unrequited pining	unconsciousness	healers	assault	confession in desperate situation
isolation	purgatory	trapped together	drugged	alien abduction

Comments

[kore]

Just imagine the PTA meetings:

PARENT: I never thought I would say muffins were exquisite, but these are! You make us all look so bad! //laughter

HANNIBAL: Thank you I think! //laughter

WILL: what did you put in the muffins

HANNIBAL: Just the usual ingredients. -- And you must be Abigail's music teacher?

TEACHER: Why yes how did you know?

HANNIBAL, taking her hand: What else could you be, with these fingers? Oh, that reminds me of another dessert I could bring! //laughter

PARENT: Will, your husband is so closed-mouth about his recipes -- do you think you could tease the recipe out of him for us? It's obvious he'll do anything for you!

WILL: //stomps off, eating a muffin

PARENT, sotto voce: Hannibal is such a sweetheart, but that partner of his -- ! He's a little rude, don't you think?

[kore]

(sorry for writing PTA crack in your comments, it got away from me! /o\)

[thrillingdetectivetales]

ADOFJASDFJDSF PLEASE DON'T APOLOGIZE THIS IS FANTASTIC! xDDD

Will knowing that Hannibal put something weird in the muffins and being mad about it and then EATING ONE ANYWAY is like. The most on-brand Will Graham characterization of my life, truly.

It never fails to make me laugh how the reality of the situation is probably such that Hannibal is like, this elegant, suave, star of the room with the most cantankerous partner of all time on his arm and nobody can see what he gets out of it except that Will can be hot when he's not covered in dog hair or drenched in a gallon of blood and fear sweat and they make the assumption he must be like, dynamite in the sack or have blackmail material on Hannibal or something.

Fic from the POV of all Abigail's new friends that she meets in college in Italy or wherever who are like, "Please don't take this the wrong way but what the actual fuck is going on with your dads?"

[kore]

AAAAHAHHA I COULDN'T RESIST

Hannibal probably put something like a very mild hallucinogen or top of the line pot in the goddamn muffins to make everyone nice and pliable and unsuspecting. Hannibal would torment Will by bringing in actual vegan dishes that are so good everyone would abandon the sad cold ham sandwiches and taco casseroles. (He probably grew the veggies himself in a special window box with his very own compost. "Oh, what's in it?!" "That's a secret.")

It never fails to make me laugh how the reality of the situation is probably such that Hannibal is like, this elegant, suave, star of the room with the most cantankerous partner of all time on his arm and nobody can see what he gets out of it except that Will can be hot when he's not covered in dog hair or drenched in a gallon of blood and fear sweat and they make the assumption he must be like, dynamite in the sack or have blackmail material on Hannibal or something.

LOLOLOL YES and then anyone who even hints that Hannibal could maybe do better or tries to figure out What Is Up With Will Anyway has their dog disappear or something. And then Hannibal brings over a consoling hot dish. One of the things I loved about Blackbird was Hannibal telling Will how he was lovely and valuable and offering him silk pajamas and so on. (Hannibal probably dresses Will up for the PTA events. Slowly. Calculatedly. Will still has dog hairs all over his pants.)

Fic from the POV of all Abigail's new friends that she meets in college in Italy or wherever who are like, "Please don't take this the wrong way but what the actual fuck is going on with your dads?"

//DIES

YES

"Will's great! He's just....shy." "And rude." "He's not really rude. He's just shy. You know. He's not a....people person, he likes dogs." "Your other dad is such a 'people person,' though!" "Uh, yes! Yes he is."

[thrillingdetectivetales]

YOUR OTHER DAD IS SUCH A PEOPLE PERSON.

/ D E A D

Abigail just sweating nervously, "HA HA HA HA YEP. YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH OF A PEOPLE PERSON."

"....okay. So, we did dinner at Maddie's last week. Do we finally get to come around to your place for - "

"NOPE."

(I'm realizing now that I need to get on making icons for S3 because I really need some good ones of Abigail that aren't just her lying in a hospital bed, fully intubated...)

ETA: Will still has dog hairs all over his pants.

He fucking would. Hannibal, in his youth, probably: "I don't believe in soulmates and while the concept of love at first sight is seductive, I have yet to meet the individual capable of tempting me to it."

Hannibal, decades later, in Jack Crawford's office with a badly-dressed asshole who reeks of sweat and wet dog and cheap cologne who he wants more than anything he's ever wanted in his life: "What god have I offended, to be so cursed."

[kore]

Abigail just sweating nervously, "HA HA HA HA YEP. YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH OF A PEOPLE PERSON."
"....okay. So, we did dinner at Maddie's last week. Do we finally get to come around to your place for - "
"NOPE."

YES

WILL: "We can take her friends OUT to dinner."
HANNIBAL: "They'll think we can't cook!"
WILL: "GOOD."

Also you know for potlucks/group dinners Hannibal is the only one who remembers everyone's food preferences/allergies.

(I'm realizing now that I need to get on making icons for S3 because I really need some good ones of Abigail that aren't just her lying in a hospital bed, fully intubated...)

OMG YES, I didn't want to push, but I love her! And your icons!

Hannibal, in his youth, probably: "I don't believe in soulmates and while the concept of love at first sight is seductive, I have yet to meet the individual capable of tempting me to it."
Hannibal, decades later, in Jack Crawford's office with a badly-dressed asshole who reeks of sweat and wet dog and cheap cologne who he wants more than anything he's ever wanted in his life: "What god have I offended, to be so cursed."

//cackles

Abigail's friends probably think he's so romantic and sweet (JUST IMAGINE what he does for anniversaries). "Your dads love each other so much!"